Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Vampire and the Haunted Trees

I'm not too interested in Easter, except for the fact I get to spoil my boys with chocolate eggs and other gifts, and I do like the idea of celebrating fertility and the beginning of new things to come. Other than those reasons, it's not a holiday I generally get excited about. But I do love Halloween! Just take a look!

By the way, my house is now on the market. 1616 Kingston Rd, Kokomo, IN, 46901. Please buy it. And now that April is just about over, the song of the month is "We Gotta Get Out Of This Place" performed by the Animals. Seriously, it needs to stop raining. Tomorrow is May 1st; time for sun, cocktails, and swimming. It's been a long fuckin' winter.

I realize this post is very random with no point.


Monday, April 25, 2011

The Breeder

It’s near the end of spring. At 6:00 AM, outside a remote trailer park just off an old country road, an explosion is heard by the denizens. Further investigation reveals a huge crater, but no sign of a meteorite or anything else for that matter—just footprints starting at the center of the hole, heading toward the park. The prints are simply oval shaped, indicating no heels or toes, but a jelly-like substance is left in each one. This is just the beginning of a twenty-four hour stretch of terror for the occupants living in these trailers, for in one of the homes hides a beast cruel, unusual, and extremely horny.

Whether a beast from Hell, or a creature from outer space, the Breeder has one purpose.
It has come here to mate, and if its phallus can't accomplish that goal, then its fingers will.
SEE Earth girls ravished! WITNESS the men they love torn to pieces! WATCH as the Breeder achieves his goal of creating hideousness!!

Run, Earth girls, run!!!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Important Person

18"x24" charcoal portrait took about 3 1/2 hours in the comfort of my living room while the boob tube blasted with nonsense and my wife lay suffering from TMJ on the couch.Matt Bunn ladies and gentlemen, Matt Bunn. This dude came by last night about 10pm. We began about 10:30 and finished a little after 2am. I feel this is my most accomplished portrait, maybe due to rendering this already handsome man into a beautiful, Americanized Jesus. You're welcome Matty, but enough about the portrait. Let's explore Bunn the person. When I first met this guy I had no intentions of becoming his friend, but the asshole invited me out for a drink on my birthday and we've been buds ever since. I've known him for almost a decade now, but I'm not sure how well I really know him. Carefully selected adjectives come to mind when I think of him, though many contradict each other: atheistic, hedonistic, inconsiderate, selfish, cheap, perverted, instigative, sincere, thoughtful, kind, moral, intelligent, good-natured, faithful, affable. He loves the Beatles, Captain America, baseball, and pizza. Bunn is a predictable All-American, clean cut kid, and at the same time a total anomaly; a veritable walking contradiction. He's simple, yet so hard to read. But the one thing you can count on with this man is his dedication to his friends. It's hard to find a crony as self-sacrificing as Bunn. You need a wing man? A security blanket? A bowling mate? Matt Bunn will find a way.